Monday, December 14, 2015

Chase the Dark Away

We drift along down rivers
Past the times we were born
Past broken smokestack factories
Graveyards of lost loved ones
We cast our dreams on waters dark
We just watch them drift away
We turn our eyes heavenward
But feel no need to pray
-Jim White

It's December 13th. I look out the window into fog and a steady stream of rain. I've forgotten what day it is and had to look at my watch to remind myself. I have been living in a figurative and real fog for almost two weeks now. With El Nino in full force, what could be several feet of snow, has come in the more liquid form here in the North. When it's not raining, the moisture hangs steadily in the air. Sometimes I view it as a comforter, sometimes it feels smothering. 

This kind of weather makes time stand still. There is no way to tell if it's morning or night except by looking at a clock or listening to my stomach growl. Lights are always on my bike and reflective clothing always worn. The drops of water in the air tend to grasp most sound and muffle it so the only thing I hear is the occasional screech of a blue jay or crow. 

I think to myself, this is what it would feel like to live in places like Superior, WI or Pittsburgh, PA. I wonder how much coffee I would need to consume if I lived there and had any plans to get out and ride. 

These falling leaves
Might tell a tale
Of harder times to come
But let us not surrender to 
Our fears and turn to run
For our dreams will rise up above this earth
To mingle with the stars
To return as healing summer rain
A balm to these ancient scars

Over the past two weeks, I have gotten out for more "longish" country rides than ever before in December. I have watched the dead oak leaves hang on for dear life in the wind and have compared them to me facing some upcoming fears and holding on, not wanting to be blown away.

It is on these rides I have an ever expanding understanding of place and being. I feel, smell, taste and see everything whether I want to or not. I am trying, oh so very hard, not to wish these weeks and months away. Trying not to be the one who only dreams of the renewal of Spring  and Summer and instead allows myself to hold steady and be present.