Rolling a Fatty

Once you go fat, you will never go back

-most of my cycling friends

Pigs are flying at the moment. Really. I just purchased what I swore up and down for years, I would NEVER buy...a fat bike. Worse (or better) yet, this new acquisition is one of my most expensive bikes and it's not even all that utilitarian. I won't be using it on daily commutes to work (I'll still opt to ride my winter cross bike when the roads are dry since the tires are so freaking expensive to replace on my fat bike), and I won't use it in the summer other than mountain biking. So why did I do it? Friendly pressure from friends. Check. Guilt for not being able to play in all conditions with my friends. Check. Feeling isolated and left out when the proverbial white shit hits the fan. Check. Not being able to bike across the frozen lakes. Check. AND...not owning a mountain bike. Check. 

All of these "checks" got me searching this fall, or at least beginning the search quietly so most of my friends wouldn't know, for a new steed. One which would take up the space of two other normal steeds. After months of thinking about it, it ended up being almost too late when I decided to actually bite. You see, there's a very specific bike I had in mind due to my need of a narrower bottom bracket. My hips and knees don't like wide bottom brackets. So much so that I had to sell my beloved Salsa Fargo because fifty mile rides hurt like hell (not something you want on an off road touring bike). The Trek Farley was really the only fat bike that seemed to fit me and not hurt (although I still have to ride unclipped). For some reason or another, every other person buying a new fat bike must have wanted a Farley too since as of early December, they were almost all sold out--out of stores and out of the warehouse. This left me with a dilemma. I had to either wait until spring or summer to get a 9.6 or face the facts and just pony up the big bucks for a 9.8. Now let me explain I have no business purchasing a carbon fat bike. I mean really...this thing is totally lost on me except for the fact I'm a complete whiner when pushing through sand or snow and it's a bit lighter to haul over that stuff. Essentially, I don't deserve this bike. But it's mine, and I'll be damned if I let an amazing machine go to waste...especially since it's the first thing I've purchased for myself in ages. 

A few of you who know me, get the fact I name all of my bikes. This isn't a task taken lightly. The names just come to me: "Blue Velvet, UB40, White Moth etc". It bothers me when they don't name themselves through a whisper. When they do, I know they are mine. When this matte silver frame didn't talk to me, I got nervous. I thought "it's not the one for me", until a friend told me fat bikes don't disclose their name in warm environments (meaning in the bike shop). I laughed and decided to go with the flow on this one since I was too focused on not passing out while my friend, Jesse, at Machinery Row Bicycles, rang me up. 

I didn't pick the bike up until the following day since I had ridden down to pay for it...too nervous it would be sold out from under me if I waited another day. After work, I ran down (yes, how else is one supposed to pick up a bike?) 6.5 miles to alleviate it from its stuffy environment. While I placed my hands on its bars, it began to speak to me and reveal its name. Piglet came to the forefront of my brain. Don't ask how...that's the beauty of a bike naming itself. Other names that were given to me were Wampa and Skunk Ape. I liked them both but it had to be the bike's decision. A poorly named bike will never connect with its rider. Yes, I am "that" kind of cyclist and damn proud of it. Anyway, Piglet and I had a marvelous ride home through puddles and winter slush. I may have been smiling the entire way...I wouldn't know because I was either oxygen deprived from the run still or delirious with the idea I was actually a fat bike owner. Either way, I seemed really damn happy.

So Piglet and I decided to go out exploring early this morning. I had a gift delivery to do down the H8TR (known as the Badger State Trail to most) and since it's paved part way, and is snowmobile trail the rest of the way, I thought it would be a perfect true inaugural ride...until I hit the mashed potato like snow. Then, all I could do was think "This is really hard fucking work" and "Wait, I thought these 4.5" tires were supposed to roll over this shit". I was sweating so heavily, even dressed in just a thick long underwear shirt and a puffball vest, that for a moment I allowed the dreaded thought "WTF! I'm not into this, I'm going to sell it!" graze my mind. I showed up at my friends house,  and he most certainly saw the frustration on my face because he gave me coffee that resembled espresso and we rode back to Madison together. Funny. It's wasn't all that bad on the way back. Yes, it was hard work but the 10mph tailwind certainly helped. No, the snow hadn't firmed up but I laughed at my struggles vs. cursing them. Was is the caffeine buzz? Was it riding with a friend? Was it knowing exactly what to expect when I went out again? Who knows. All I knew was I wasn't going to sell it. I was going to dispel any former thoughts of going fast through snow and just suck it up for what it was, and I was going to enjoy being able to ride a snowy trail...on a bike...for the first time in my life. 

I got home. Ate copious amounts of food following 3.5 hours of moving time if you count the mountain bike trails I hit on the way back (a whole other story) and thoroughly enjoyed my well earned post ride beer. Tomorrow is a new day. A new day on the fatty. With several inches of fresh white stuff I'm sure the ride will pose new challenges. Let's hope they are as fun as today's!

*To all of my fat bike friends, THANK YOU! I am one of you now 😊

My friend, Johnnymac, hanging ornaments on the new "holiday tree"

Hitting the Seminole mountain bike trails

In between a rock and a hard place

So here I am, a single female cyclist, and I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. For you guys who think it's easy being a single female cyclist, I beg to differ. It sucks. I mean it really sucks. For the women who don't ride who think we (single female cyclists) are any threat to your partners who do ride, think again...we are very little, if any threat at all. Let me explain all of this, to the guys and the non-riding girls...and let me say I am speaking only for myself, but I have heard similar thoughts from many of my female cycling friends.

First, most of us are seen as guys. Yep, that's right. In fact, one friend of mine told me "you are more dude than dude". What am I supposed to say to that? I've grown up training and racing with guys. I hang out with guys after races, and I'd much rather talk about upcoming rides/adventures than shopping. Does that make me a "dude"? No. That makes me a woman who loves her bikes, loves adventure and loves swilling beers post ride while still on that ride high. Sure, I am seen in my cycling wardrobe (lycra and cycling t-shirts) more than my sundresses, but underneath those clothes, I'm still a woman. And yes, I may sport hideous tan lines when I do choose to wear a dress, but that just shows I'm passionate about being outside on summer days!

Secondly, most guys like to test us female cyclists...some may like it, I do not. Does a throwdown somehow make you feel good about yourself? Do you feel like you need to either prove yourself to me or see if I can keep up (aka am I worthy)? Guys, this is bullshit. I ride because I like to ride. I work hard, sometimes I like to push, but if I'm feeling "off" one night, don't pound me into the ground. You won't win any brownie points and I'll just think you're a Strava thumping douche.

Third, and this is for the females who don't ride, if you think we are hitting on your significant others when we ride with them, think again. We are just happy to ride with others who are passionate about riding. Sure, there may be a woman who is looking to "hook up" with a guy, but this is pretty damn rare. What are we thinking about on these rides? Hanging on, not looking like idiots, making sure we take pulls, and the beer at the end. Yep, this is what goes through my mind on group rides.

So let me talk about this whole dating thing. Since cycling communities are way too small, almost everyone is connected in one form or another. This doesn't bode well when you're searching for someone new. Essentially, the cycling community tends to be ridiculously small and incestuous and that's just gross. I really don't need anyone knowing my personal business and I certainly don't appreciate rumors which can spread like wildfire in tight groups like this, but it happens, and cyclists tend to act like little kids about it. In fact, I've heard cyclists bragging about who they "hooked up with" in a very similar fashion to their Strava bragging. Nope. Sorry. I want nothing to do with that. And yet, at the same time, I'm not keen on dating someone who doesn't like cycling. Trying to explain to someone why I'd rather go on an 8 hour gravel ride vs. go to a Packer game doesn't bode well with non-cyclists. I've seen marriages break up over stuff like this (even when it's been discussed early in the relationship). I will almost always choose my bike/health/passion over a relationship, but that's not to say a person isn't important to me. It's just that cycling is my therapy. If I don't have it in my life, I'm not a nice person, and non-cyclists just don't seem to understand that. So ideally, that leaves me with trying to find a guy who loves riding, is someone I find attractive, is age appropriate and likes/respects me enough not to be a douche while we ride together. Much tougher than you think. I laugh and say this is more rare than planetary alignment. I don't think I'm the only woman out there that feels this way. In fact, I think we, female cyclists, should form our own dating website! Until this happens, you'll find me riding solo or with packs of male friends.